7 Things I never told my Dads family in reverse chronological order

1. I miss the way  your names would roll off my lips when I would read them in a letter you would end up never responding to. 

2. In a class, amidst the hundreds of assignments, we were told to plant a tree. A tree to bloom of grandparents and mothers, and children. It was my family tree,  and I remember my decision to make it lopsided.

3. You weren't at his funeral, a mere five years have passed, and you are standing in a kitchen. Alone. Even your presence was not felt in the sand that swirled around his tombstone. 

4. I didn't understand what had happened. My father cried for the first time I’d ever seen, and I was still so young. We sat on Papa’s front steps, by his garden full of life, flowers of every color imaginable in bloom as if this was the last time they’d ever touch the sun. A honey bee landed on a purple one, and you reached for it. I told you not to, that it would hurt you. Your hand never hesitated though. It crawled up on your finger, and time seemed to slow down. A creature I had always been wary of stood inches away from me, and it was so graceful. Its brilliant yellow on a black that seemed to have gone through one too many washing machine trips. It was soft. And when I ran my small fingers across it, you said “Don’t be afraid”.  I am no longer afraid.

5. Your surprise on Thanksgiving Day was wonderful. We made pecan pie from scratch, and I’m not sure what why, but it tasted so much… sweeter.

6. That Christmas morning I felt myself grow a few inches taller. Beside a Christmas tree and a pile of ripped wrapping paper, he stood there. Old cowboy hat, button up shirt, faded jeans, and cowboy boots, he just stood there. Smiling. And beside him, we all felt a little bit taller.

7.  I don’t know you too well yet. You’re old. But reading with you is always fun. I have just begun to learn what reading is truly about. I love dinosaurs, and this book is completely right; we should totally have dinosaurs as pets.  Could you read the part with the firemen, using that tall one Papa? Read it again. Maybe I’ll read it with you next time. But we have to start saving our money, and then we’ll find a pet store that sells dinosaurs. But for now, sitting on your lap, I couldn't be any happier. 

"How it Ends" by Andrea Gibson

Andrea Gibson is an amazing performer. She sure knows how to have troubles, fix them, and still perform an amazing poem. I love this one :D

"Monster Man" By Zachary Kluckman

This man truly inspires me. He was at one of the first local slams I went to and continues to surprise me with the amount of emotion he can pull out of an audience. His name is Zachary Kluckman, and he is an amazing poet. I have the highest respect for him as a performer and a person.

I'm Tired

This has some lines of earlier poems, but they all needed to be brought together like this.

 I’m tired of crossing finish lines, 

The checkered stripes don’t have the same vibrato they had before,

Just like the floor we danced on,

 The grooves of the spinning vinyl don’t hold the keys that unlock our chests anymore,

They must be lost amongst the melodies of our voices.

And I would sing to you every night if only I had the chance.

Can I have this first dance,

Because I dream of our hips swaying slowly,

 and the music fading slowly,

Our eyes drifting slowly.

I’m tired of being a wallflower,

Leaning against a brick wall,

 in hopes I’ll just fall through it,

 just so I don’t have to see us miss another slow song together.

Searching the crowd just to see you is getting old,

 I wish I could just fold up this memory and throw it away,

It’s the note you never want the teacher to read aloud,

 the words you want to never make a sound,

When you whisper in my ear,

I get chills across my mind just trying to find some way to ignore you,

Because every syllable you let fall from your lips rips me apart,

I can’t begin to start an explanation for this mystery.

Look for clues everywhere but under my shoes,

Because I know I never stepped on anything besides myself,

And I have no answers to give you,

I’ll try my best on any short answer test.

 But I've got the rest of the time to ask questions.

Because there are so many of them.

Like, 

Why do I keep building bridges out of stones, 

Just to see my bones break in a river that’s all dried up.

I’m tired of wasting my time on a turntable that doesn't seem to come back around, 

I wish you would come back around,

Like a flat tire on a car heading towards the edge of a cliff,

You can’t deny the inevitability of falling,

And the few seconds we have during free fall will leave me dangling on the idea that maybe,

 we could have turned around a little earlier,

Made different choices,

Gotten a tire change

This idea can change

Along with the beats our hearts sing to,

And I've always been a little sharp,

But I’m sure you’ll find a way to tune me

 when you leave my strings to settle in the reverberations of a slammed door,

Just like the floor where we danced,

Let’s not miss this chance to get it right,

Because I’m tired of being tired at night.

Done

I'm done crossing finishing lines to find you had left,

Done building bridges over rivers that have dried up,

My tears that have dried up,

and they left nothing but dust.

There is something I must say to you, 

Because if there is one lesson you've taught me,

It's to never trust a text message.

It's like a busted tire on the freeway heading towards the edge of a cliff,

You can't deny the inevitability of falling.

The few seconds we have during free fall will leave me dangling on the idea that maybe, we could have turned a little earlier. 

Made a few different choices,

Gotten a tire change,

This idea can change.

Along with the beats our hearts sing to,

And I've always been a little sharp,

But I'm sure you'll find a way to tune me,

When you leave my strings to settle in the reverberations of a door slam. 

Joshua Ballard "SFB"

I had the pleasure of getting to see Joshua Ballard perform live. He is a really cool person, and a great performer. Here is one of my favorite poems by him! 

My Last Moments

In my last moments I want to not be afraid.

I want fear to fade from the foreground,

I want to hear the sound of my heart beating,

and young lungs breathing.

We'll keep breathing,

Filter all of the sweetness from candy apple smiles into our bloodstreams,

and we'll scream from rooftops,

We'll scream from our pens.

I won't be afraid,

With your apple cider lips singing softly next to me,

I'll slip slowly,

Trust me.

There is nothing to be afraid of when death is digging your grave,

and he has been digging all our lives,

Death is tired now.

In my last moments I want to play sax,

Let every note drip off of my breath,

Crystallize in midair and just....

Sit there, 

and be beautiful.

I'll play with all of the soul left in me,

There has to be something left,

Some small corner containing the last bit of soul undeparted.

The part that hasn't given up yet,

I haven't given up yet.

In my last moments I want to have hope.

Reality can slip from my mind,

So I can dream of an afterlife,

And whatever's out there,

I'm ready for it,

I don't know what to expect,

But I expect the world to keep spinning at the same speed,

I expect a moment to reflect,

That second,

Where your life flashes before your eyes and you'll have all the time you never had

In that second,

Time will fold like the note you passed in the 5th grade,

I want to relive every day.

A lifetime is a longtime,

But I'd spend an eternity pressing replay just to hear your laugh.

To see you smile. 

To see you. 

In my last moment,

I want to fall in love with you again.